I'm struggling. In lots of areas. But one area in particular is my art.
I'm fairly decent at copying other styles but I don't really know what my own style is. I've been trying to find it for years. I keep experimenting but can't find what truly feels right for me. I know I just have to keep going, keep painting, keep drawing, but I'm being overrun by artwork that no one will buy and I don't have the wall space for it!
If I had the time I would actually take an art lesson. I've never been formally trained or even taken an art class. I've done my own research of artists and styles. I love going to art museums and I've been to some of the best in the world - El Prado in Madrid, Parc Guell in Barcelona, and Louvre in Paris. I've been to "off the beaten path" places like Montmartre in Paris, La Rambla in Barcelona, Art on the Lake in Guntersville, Alabama, City Museum in St. Louis. I love them all. But I can't seem to find my own "voice" in my art.
I guess my reason for writing about my struggle is to help myself figure it out. I love bright colors but I also love black and white. I paint flowers because I can't grow them! I paint little birds in different colors because I think they are cute. I've done collages of places I've been using realia and mixed media (I actually enjoy this style). I paint owls because I was a Chi Omega and each time I paint one I reminisce about the good times my sorority sisters and I shared. I paint quotes because I like words. But I find myself still just imitating something I saw on Pinterest or Etsy. I want my own style.
I'm a little folk art but given time and patience, neither of which I possess, I could do landscapes or portraits. I've tried those and they aren't really my favorite. I like painting common, everyday things like pictures of fruits, flowers, birds, crosses.
I have other interests, like writing, refashioning clothes, and home decor, but I feel like these hobbies hold me back from my art. I want to incorporate it all. Maybe a clothing line or home furnishings featuring my own quotes and images in a style all my own? But there's the problem again. A style all my own.
Guess I'll keep working on it.
Thursday, June 18, 2015
Wednesday, June 17, 2015
Things I've learned by being a Sports Mom
I am a sports mom. You know, the ones who run sports drinks to their kids on the field, taking pictures and video of every at-bat or pass reception. Never thought I would be since I didn't play sports. I danced in college - not the kind of late-night dancing where where you get showered with dollar bills, although if I had I might not still be paying my students loans. I was on a real university dance team, where we practiced, did aerobics to stay in shape, and performed in front of university students at tailgating area and basketball games. That's the extent of my athletic ability. I love watching sports (some of them) but I don't play them.
My children get their athletic ability from their dad. He played football, basketball, baseball, ran track, surfed - you name it, he probably tried it at least once. He could have been on a college football team but pledged a fraternity instead. He later played a little semi-professional football on a short lived team in our area. He still plays basketball regularly with a group of guys and helps coach baseball. They definitely get it from him.
So, it began years ago with our oldest son, who is now 18 and headed to college, and it is still going. Over the years of attending football, soccer, baseball, basketball, swim team, softball, and track events, I've learned a few things.
1. I love watching my kids play.
It doesn't matter if their team wins or loses; I love watching my children be a part of a team and work together with others. They have created some great friendships from it. They have had some great coaches. They have had some not-so-great coaches. But they still enjoy the game and I enjoy watching them have fun and be competitive at the same time.
2. The seasons of our year are football season, indoor track season, baseball/softball season. Repeat.
We go from one sport to the next, sometimes in a smooth, fluid motion with one sport ending and the next sport starting a little later. Other times it's in a crazy, hectic, overlapping fashion. At one point, my middle son was working out for football, going to baseball practice, then preparing for a track meet, all in the same day.
3. I have become quite efficient at packing snacks, drinks, blankets, heaters, first aid kits, and sunscreen into a bag I can carry myself.
My husband was (and is) sometimes one of the coaches so I had to get used to carrying my supplies by myself because he would be wrapped up in team equipment and game prep. I usually had to carry entertainment activities for our youngest when she was still little and being dragged to every field, game, event that her brothers had. She still gets dragged everywhere when she's not playing her own game or at a theatre function (that's a whole different blog post, coming soon) but now that she's a little older she can venture around the ball park and play with the other siblings who are forced to attend big brother's ball game. She still comes around for snacks...and brings friends.
4. My house will never be perfectly clean.
I'm okay with that. It sometimes smells like a locker room (who am I kidding, almost all the time) and I plug up my smell good wax melt owl and eventually the smell of a teenage boy's sweaty socks and sliding shorts fades slightly. Maybe it doesn't really go away, I just get used to it and don't notice until I come back from the next game or practice and realize that my house stinks. A deep, gross, sweaty, teenager stink. And the dirt. I sweep but then the kids come in with cleats and dirty pants leaving a trail of red baseball dirt or football field grass everywhere they go. I have two choices - follow the dirt or the smell. I constantly have dirty dishes because I am constantly feeding my growing athletes. They eat All. The. Time. Even my daughter. I can't keep my sink or dishwasher empty. I wash all the dishes, feel good for a moment, only to walk by the sink and see three plates and 5 cups in it. Where does it come from? I think it multiplies when I'm not looking. Laundry. It's never done. End of discussion.
5. I need a second job to pay for all the travel expenses...and the food.
It's expensive but I like to think that I'm paying a little now instead of a lot later for college. Hotel rooms, gas, food, equipment, it all adds up. We are on a very modest income so we do lots of yard sales, arts and crafts sales, extra side jobs to help give our children the equipment they need and to be able to get them the exposure they need to possibly get college scholarships. I don't have a lot of extra time since I'm almost always at a ball field but I do need a second job to help defray the costs. I do earn a little through art sales and book sales but it's not nearly enough. Just the food costs alone to feed these growing athletes is astounding. It seems they eat every hour and are constantly telling me there's nothing to eat, even when they just ate dinner.
6. Some of our happiest, funniest memories as a family are made in the vehicle traveling to/from a sporting event.
After a long day of games, kids can get delirious (parent's too) and they tend to say silly things. Sometimes it's early morning when we aren't quite awake and headed to a game or late at night when we are all just ill, sunburned, hungry, and tired of each other. We often quote movie lines, play "Guess that animal", and sing a wide range of music from classic rock to current top 40, and we usually get entertained by a sibling fight or two. It's a wonderful time to get to know your kids and let them get to know you. I try to remember some of the funny stuff and usually write it on the ticket stub or tournament pass and add it to the "Jar of Goodness" to revisit at the end of the year.
7. You can't be at every event.
We have three children. I can't always be at every event for each child. There are times when two of them have games on the same day, at the same time, in different cities. That's when my husband and I divide and conquer - sending text message play-by-plays of the other sporting event. It's hard but it's a necessary reality to face if the time and opportunity ever arises that one child will get to play in college. I won't be able to quit my job and travel to every game they play, although I have thought about it and have put together a pretty good plan that just might work.
I don't really know why this was resonating in my head today, and I'm sure there are many more things I've learned about myself and my family by being a Sports Mom but these are the lessons that were screaming at me from within myself today.
And, it feels good to be writing again.
My children get their athletic ability from their dad. He played football, basketball, baseball, ran track, surfed - you name it, he probably tried it at least once. He could have been on a college football team but pledged a fraternity instead. He later played a little semi-professional football on a short lived team in our area. He still plays basketball regularly with a group of guys and helps coach baseball. They definitely get it from him.
So, it began years ago with our oldest son, who is now 18 and headed to college, and it is still going. Over the years of attending football, soccer, baseball, basketball, swim team, softball, and track events, I've learned a few things.
1. I love watching my kids play.
It doesn't matter if their team wins or loses; I love watching my children be a part of a team and work together with others. They have created some great friendships from it. They have had some great coaches. They have had some not-so-great coaches. But they still enjoy the game and I enjoy watching them have fun and be competitive at the same time.
2. The seasons of our year are football season, indoor track season, baseball/softball season. Repeat.
We go from one sport to the next, sometimes in a smooth, fluid motion with one sport ending and the next sport starting a little later. Other times it's in a crazy, hectic, overlapping fashion. At one point, my middle son was working out for football, going to baseball practice, then preparing for a track meet, all in the same day.
3. I have become quite efficient at packing snacks, drinks, blankets, heaters, first aid kits, and sunscreen into a bag I can carry myself.
My husband was (and is) sometimes one of the coaches so I had to get used to carrying my supplies by myself because he would be wrapped up in team equipment and game prep. I usually had to carry entertainment activities for our youngest when she was still little and being dragged to every field, game, event that her brothers had. She still gets dragged everywhere when she's not playing her own game or at a theatre function (that's a whole different blog post, coming soon) but now that she's a little older she can venture around the ball park and play with the other siblings who are forced to attend big brother's ball game. She still comes around for snacks...and brings friends.
4. My house will never be perfectly clean.
I'm okay with that. It sometimes smells like a locker room (who am I kidding, almost all the time) and I plug up my smell good wax melt owl and eventually the smell of a teenage boy's sweaty socks and sliding shorts fades slightly. Maybe it doesn't really go away, I just get used to it and don't notice until I come back from the next game or practice and realize that my house stinks. A deep, gross, sweaty, teenager stink. And the dirt. I sweep but then the kids come in with cleats and dirty pants leaving a trail of red baseball dirt or football field grass everywhere they go. I have two choices - follow the dirt or the smell. I constantly have dirty dishes because I am constantly feeding my growing athletes. They eat All. The. Time. Even my daughter. I can't keep my sink or dishwasher empty. I wash all the dishes, feel good for a moment, only to walk by the sink and see three plates and 5 cups in it. Where does it come from? I think it multiplies when I'm not looking. Laundry. It's never done. End of discussion.
5. I need a second job to pay for all the travel expenses...and the food.
It's expensive but I like to think that I'm paying a little now instead of a lot later for college. Hotel rooms, gas, food, equipment, it all adds up. We are on a very modest income so we do lots of yard sales, arts and crafts sales, extra side jobs to help give our children the equipment they need and to be able to get them the exposure they need to possibly get college scholarships. I don't have a lot of extra time since I'm almost always at a ball field but I do need a second job to help defray the costs. I do earn a little through art sales and book sales but it's not nearly enough. Just the food costs alone to feed these growing athletes is astounding. It seems they eat every hour and are constantly telling me there's nothing to eat, even when they just ate dinner.
6. Some of our happiest, funniest memories as a family are made in the vehicle traveling to/from a sporting event.
After a long day of games, kids can get delirious (parent's too) and they tend to say silly things. Sometimes it's early morning when we aren't quite awake and headed to a game or late at night when we are all just ill, sunburned, hungry, and tired of each other. We often quote movie lines, play "Guess that animal", and sing a wide range of music from classic rock to current top 40, and we usually get entertained by a sibling fight or two. It's a wonderful time to get to know your kids and let them get to know you. I try to remember some of the funny stuff and usually write it on the ticket stub or tournament pass and add it to the "Jar of Goodness" to revisit at the end of the year.
7. You can't be at every event.
We have three children. I can't always be at every event for each child. There are times when two of them have games on the same day, at the same time, in different cities. That's when my husband and I divide and conquer - sending text message play-by-plays of the other sporting event. It's hard but it's a necessary reality to face if the time and opportunity ever arises that one child will get to play in college. I won't be able to quit my job and travel to every game they play, although I have thought about it and have put together a pretty good plan that just might work.
I don't really know why this was resonating in my head today, and I'm sure there are many more things I've learned about myself and my family by being a Sports Mom but these are the lessons that were screaming at me from within myself today.
And, it feels good to be writing again.
Sunday, December 7, 2014
Do what you love
Do what you love,
Be who you are,
Sing what you like,
Shine like a star.
I painted this original poem on a canvas years ago for my daughter. I wanted it to hang in her room as a daily reminder that she can follow her dreams and still be successful and happy. She doesn't really need this reminder as much as I do.
I am just in a dark place right now. I'm stressed about finances, already worried about the future, and not really living for today. The sermon at church this morning was good for me. It was from the book of Habakkuk and how God asks us to write down our vision and then wait. I thought about that. As a teacher, I am constantly telling my students to write down their goals and dreams and do something every day that helps them get one step closer. God tells us to do that, too, but he also tells us to wait...that He will choose the time to fulfill the vision. That's the hard part.
I'm trying. I really am. But it's hard when I don't know how I am going to pay all my bills this month, and on top of that it's the holiday season and I don't know how I'm going to get gifts for my kids. I'm so embarrassed at my situation that I just sink into a hole within myself and it's very hard to climb out and move on. I dwell on the past instead of living in the present. But when my present reality is so dim, it's hard. I know things could be worse, and for that I am grateful, but I am just not where I thought I would be at this point in my life. I am way off course.
I am aware that my children know that I'm not myself. I've been praying for weeks, months, really, that God will put the right people in my path that can help me with my struggles. I will continue that prayer for as long as it takes. I am also trying to focus on what I love - family, writing, painting, creating. I can escape temporarily when I am in my art, doing what I love. I have my goals and visions on the dream board and now I just have to wait patiently for God's timing.
Until then, I will do what I love, be who I am, sing what I like, and SHINE!
Be who you are,
Sing what you like,
Shine like a star.
I painted this original poem on a canvas years ago for my daughter. I wanted it to hang in her room as a daily reminder that she can follow her dreams and still be successful and happy. She doesn't really need this reminder as much as I do.
I am just in a dark place right now. I'm stressed about finances, already worried about the future, and not really living for today. The sermon at church this morning was good for me. It was from the book of Habakkuk and how God asks us to write down our vision and then wait. I thought about that. As a teacher, I am constantly telling my students to write down their goals and dreams and do something every day that helps them get one step closer. God tells us to do that, too, but he also tells us to wait...that He will choose the time to fulfill the vision. That's the hard part.
I'm trying. I really am. But it's hard when I don't know how I am going to pay all my bills this month, and on top of that it's the holiday season and I don't know how I'm going to get gifts for my kids. I'm so embarrassed at my situation that I just sink into a hole within myself and it's very hard to climb out and move on. I dwell on the past instead of living in the present. But when my present reality is so dim, it's hard. I know things could be worse, and for that I am grateful, but I am just not where I thought I would be at this point in my life. I am way off course.
I am aware that my children know that I'm not myself. I've been praying for weeks, months, really, that God will put the right people in my path that can help me with my struggles. I will continue that prayer for as long as it takes. I am also trying to focus on what I love - family, writing, painting, creating. I can escape temporarily when I am in my art, doing what I love. I have my goals and visions on the dream board and now I just have to wait patiently for God's timing.
Until then, I will do what I love, be who I am, sing what I like, and SHINE!
Tuesday, October 7, 2014
Inspiration
My students have really surprised me. They seem genuinely interested in the fact that I write blogs! It's amusing to me. But I don't know why. I would have been inspired or interested if I had known my high school teacher was a writer.
It's neat, I guess. I enjoy my job, but more and more each day I am wanting to write. All. Day. Long. It consumes my thoughts. Sometimes I don't want to do anything else. It's hard. So I keep working my blog and writing my daily stories in the hopes that the right person will read it and like it and maybe want to publish one of the stories. Or all of them, as a collection. I don't know. I just write because I feel it's what I have to do. It would be nice to get paid for it but that's not why I do it.
I am looking forward to fall break from school so that maybe with the extra time to focus on the words, I can write some better literature, perhaps finish a few more chapters of my novel, complete more of the children's books I've written, and work on my devotional book that I began several years ago. Lots of unfinished projects but there's hope.
It's funny how I'm supposed to be the one inspiring the students and motivating them to reach their dreams but they are doing that for me. I find so much inspiration in seeing the seniors working hard to complete scholarship applications and apply for college. Just seeing them go after their goals makes me want to keep working on mine.
I'm not ready to put my life on cruise control until retirement. I can't. I'm nowhere near prepared for that and I don't want to be. I'm determined to be a semi-famous author, at least to the point of replacing my teaching salary one day when retirement is near. Until then, I will keep teaching all day and writing late at night. I will continue to motivate students to reach their goals and I hope they will continue to inspire me to reach mine.
This post dedicated to my 2014-2015 1st and 6th period Spanish 2 classes. Muchisimas gracias!
It's neat, I guess. I enjoy my job, but more and more each day I am wanting to write. All. Day. Long. It consumes my thoughts. Sometimes I don't want to do anything else. It's hard. So I keep working my blog and writing my daily stories in the hopes that the right person will read it and like it and maybe want to publish one of the stories. Or all of them, as a collection. I don't know. I just write because I feel it's what I have to do. It would be nice to get paid for it but that's not why I do it.
I am looking forward to fall break from school so that maybe with the extra time to focus on the words, I can write some better literature, perhaps finish a few more chapters of my novel, complete more of the children's books I've written, and work on my devotional book that I began several years ago. Lots of unfinished projects but there's hope.
It's funny how I'm supposed to be the one inspiring the students and motivating them to reach their dreams but they are doing that for me. I find so much inspiration in seeing the seniors working hard to complete scholarship applications and apply for college. Just seeing them go after their goals makes me want to keep working on mine.
I'm not ready to put my life on cruise control until retirement. I can't. I'm nowhere near prepared for that and I don't want to be. I'm determined to be a semi-famous author, at least to the point of replacing my teaching salary one day when retirement is near. Until then, I will keep teaching all day and writing late at night. I will continue to motivate students to reach their goals and I hope they will continue to inspire me to reach mine.
This post dedicated to my 2014-2015 1st and 6th period Spanish 2 classes. Muchisimas gracias!
Sunday, September 28, 2014
I love writing!
I am loving this challenge I gave myself! It's funny that I have dreaded it only a couple of times because I was so tired when I finally had time to write, but then ended up with something creatively cute. I want to do this all the time. I feel like I could do this all the time. But it doesn't pay the bills...yet.
I still feel deep down in my heart that this is what I am supposed to do. Why would God be giving me all this creativity and storytelling ability if there wasn't a purpose behind it? That's why I am going to keep writing. I know that eventually whatever I am supposed to write will be written. He will give me the words, the inspiration, the time. Until then, I just have to keep doing what I'm doing. I trust His timing and His plan.
I finished tonight's story and just wanted to jot down my feelings, my hopes, my dreams, and goals about this little blog project of mine. I also still want to find a way to obtain the old post office building downtown and turn it into an interactive, recycled art/craft/recreation/music/language museum. I have a folder of ideas and room plans and exhibit areas - just need the funding! I'll be working on that soon.
Thanks for reading these little blogs of mine.
Jen
I still feel deep down in my heart that this is what I am supposed to do. Why would God be giving me all this creativity and storytelling ability if there wasn't a purpose behind it? That's why I am going to keep writing. I know that eventually whatever I am supposed to write will be written. He will give me the words, the inspiration, the time. Until then, I just have to keep doing what I'm doing. I trust His timing and His plan.
I finished tonight's story and just wanted to jot down my feelings, my hopes, my dreams, and goals about this little blog project of mine. I also still want to find a way to obtain the old post office building downtown and turn it into an interactive, recycled art/craft/recreation/music/language museum. I have a folder of ideas and room plans and exhibit areas - just need the funding! I'll be working on that soon.
Thanks for reading these little blogs of mine.
Jen
Saturday, September 13, 2014
New idea coming soon
I've been absent from my blog lately so here's a little update:
Things are back up and running at the hacienda - cable, internet, phones are all on.
Bills are caught up - at the moment.
6 year old bill collector decides to get a lawyer to garnish my paycheck. Without proper warning.
Busy being a full-time football mom/agent/fan/newspaper collector/photographer.
Busy being a full-time college scholarship hunter/essay proofreader/resume builder.
Busy being a full-time fundraiser/talent agent for a busy little 10 year old actress.
All that to say this: I plan on doing something amazing! Soon. Very soon. Like, hopefully, tomorrow. Maybe even tonight.
First things first, my 2nd children's book is out of production and heading to marketing. I hope to know publication date and have some book signings lined up before the holidays. Super excited about this.
Secondly, I plan to organize all my stories and sketches to get prepared for what has been on my mind and heart lately. I'm really quite excited about it and can hardly contain myself...but I must. At least for now.
Finally, I have been praying a lot more lately and know that the good Lord has a plan for me and for my family and I am trusting His timing in all things. I believe that I will achieve all my dreams and that it is coming soon. I believe I have something amazing to offer the world. I believe in myself. I am crazy enough to make this happen!
Why be average when you can be amazing?
Things are back up and running at the hacienda - cable, internet, phones are all on.
Bills are caught up - at the moment.
6 year old bill collector decides to get a lawyer to garnish my paycheck. Without proper warning.
Busy being a full-time football mom/agent/fan/newspaper collector/photographer.
Busy being a full-time college scholarship hunter/essay proofreader/resume builder.
Busy being a full-time fundraiser/talent agent for a busy little 10 year old actress.
All that to say this: I plan on doing something amazing! Soon. Very soon. Like, hopefully, tomorrow. Maybe even tonight.
First things first, my 2nd children's book is out of production and heading to marketing. I hope to know publication date and have some book signings lined up before the holidays. Super excited about this.
Secondly, I plan to organize all my stories and sketches to get prepared for what has been on my mind and heart lately. I'm really quite excited about it and can hardly contain myself...but I must. At least for now.
Finally, I have been praying a lot more lately and know that the good Lord has a plan for me and for my family and I am trusting His timing in all things. I believe that I will achieve all my dreams and that it is coming soon. I believe I have something amazing to offer the world. I believe in myself. I am crazy enough to make this happen!
Why be average when you can be amazing?
Monday, August 11, 2014
All signs point to writing
I've been reading a lot lately. It's summer and that's what I like to do during my break from school. Plus, if you read my last post, you know that we don't have cable anymore. So that gives me more free time to...read.
Most of the books I read this summer have been making me think, more than I usually do, about really pursuing my dream of being an author. Not only that, but the speakers I've heard at our traditional back-to-school workshops have also had a profound impact on me and the way I'm thinking. I've been praying for God to put the right people in my path and He's done it.
So, after I get my bills paid (again, see last post), I plan to fully pursue finishing up my payment to the publisher who currently has my second children's book ready to go. My goal is to have this one out by November so I can publish my next book, a devotional type book, by December 2015.
See, I have a plan. And, although things are hard for my family right now, I can see that all signs are pointing to writing. I've been wanting to blog more lately. I've started writing a fiction novel! I still have a plastic bin full of stories and illustrations. It's in my blood. It's in my heart. And I am finally being still long enough to listen to God. He's answering my prayers, slowly and steadily.
Be blessed!
Most of the books I read this summer have been making me think, more than I usually do, about really pursuing my dream of being an author. Not only that, but the speakers I've heard at our traditional back-to-school workshops have also had a profound impact on me and the way I'm thinking. I've been praying for God to put the right people in my path and He's done it.
So, after I get my bills paid (again, see last post), I plan to fully pursue finishing up my payment to the publisher who currently has my second children's book ready to go. My goal is to have this one out by November so I can publish my next book, a devotional type book, by December 2015.
See, I have a plan. And, although things are hard for my family right now, I can see that all signs are pointing to writing. I've been wanting to blog more lately. I've started writing a fiction novel! I still have a plastic bin full of stories and illustrations. It's in my blood. It's in my heart. And I am finally being still long enough to listen to God. He's answering my prayers, slowly and steadily.
Be blessed!
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