Do what you love

Do what you love,
Be who you are,
Sing what you like,
Shine like a star.

I painted this original poem on a canvas years ago for my daughter.  I wanted it to hang in her room as a daily reminder that she can follow her dreams and still be successful and happy.  She doesn't really need this reminder as much as I do.

I am just in a dark place right now.  I'm stressed about finances, already worried about the future, and not really living for today.  The sermon at church this morning was good for me.  It was from the book of Habakkuk and how God asks us to write down our vision and then wait.  I thought about that.  As a teacher, I am constantly telling my students to write down their goals and dreams and do something every day that helps them get one step closer.  God tells us to do that, too, but he also tells us to wait...that He will choose the time to fulfill the vision.  That's the hard part.

I'm trying.  I really am.  But it's hard when I don't know how I am going to pay all my bills this month, and on top of that it's the holiday season and I don't know how I'm going to get gifts for my kids.  I'm so embarrassed at my situation that I just sink into a hole within myself and it's very hard to climb out and move on.  I dwell on the past instead of living in the present.  But when my present reality is so dim, it's hard.  I know things could be worse, and for that I am grateful, but I am just not where I thought I would be at this point in my life.  I am way off course.

I am aware that my children know that I'm not myself.  I've been praying for weeks, months, really, that God will put the right people in my path that can help me with my struggles.  I will continue that prayer for as long as it takes.  I am also trying to focus on what I love - family, writing, painting, creating.  I can escape temporarily when I am in my art, doing what I love.  I have my goals and visions on the dream board and now I just have to wait patiently for God's timing.

Until then,  I will do what I love, be who I am, sing what I like, and SHINE!

New idea coming soon

I've been absent from my blog lately so here's a little update:

Things are back up and running at the hacienda - cable, internet, phones are all on.
Bills are caught up - at the moment.
6 year old bill collector decides to get a lawyer to garnish my paycheck.  Without proper warning.
Busy being a full-time football mom/agent/fan/newspaper collector/photographer.
Busy being a full-time college scholarship hunter/essay proofreader/resume builder.
Busy being a full-time fundraiser/talent agent for a busy little 10 year old actress.

All that to say this:  I plan on doing something amazing!  Soon.  Very soon.  Like, hopefully, tomorrow.  Maybe even tonight.

First things first, my 2nd children's book is out of production and heading to marketing.  I hope to know publication date and have some book signings lined up before the holidays.  Super excited about this.

Secondly,  I plan to organize all my stories and sketches to get prepared for what has been on my mind and heart lately.  I'm really quite excited about it and can hardly contain myself...but I must.  At least for now.

Finally, I have been praying a lot more lately and know that the good Lord has a plan for me and for my family and I am trusting His timing in all things.   I believe that I will achieve all my dreams and that it is coming soon.  I believe I have something amazing to offer the world.  I believe in myself.  I am crazy enough to make this happen!

Why be average when you can be amazing?

All signs point to writing

I've been reading a lot lately.  It's summer and that's what I like to do during my break from school.  Plus, if you read my last post, you know that we don't have cable anymore.  So that gives me more free time to...read.

Most of the books I read this summer have been making me think, more than I usually do, about really pursuing my dream of being an author.  Not only that, but the speakers I've heard at our traditional back-to-school workshops have also had a profound impact on me and the way I'm thinking.  I've been praying for God to put the right people in my path and He's done it.

So, after I get my bills paid (again, see last post), I plan to fully pursue finishing up my payment to the publisher who currently has my second children's book ready to go.  My goal is to have this one out by November so I can publish my next book, a devotional type book, by December 2015. 

See, I have a plan.  And, although things are hard for my family right now, I can see that all signs are pointing to writing.  I've been wanting to blog more lately.  I've started writing a fiction novel!  I still have a plastic bin full of stories and illustrations.  It's in my blood.  It's in my heart.  And I am finally being still long enough to listen to God.  He's answering my prayers, slowly and steadily. 

Be blessed!

Planning my own mutiny

I've been reading a book the past week and a half.  What?  How have I had time to read?  Snow days.  We've had lots of snow days.  And I absolutely love this book.  I will probably read it again when I'm finished and highlight the really good stuff.

I had heard about this on the wonderful web and thought I'd give it a try.  I'm always thinking we have way too much stuff - physically, emotionally, etc.  I tried to find it for free at my local library but that was a fail.  Not really wanting to purchase the download from Amazon, I kept holding out thinking I could find someone who already had it and just borrow it or convince my library to purchase it.  Nope.  None of the above.  I took my daughter on a rare visit to the movies and we stopped at a major bookstore - just to browse.  Nope.  That didn't happen either.  Now, if you don't really know my daughter and me, we don't just browse through books.  We love them.  Cherish them.  Use them.  It was her first time in said bookstore and she was in heaven.  She had a hard time deciding how much of her saved Christmas money she was willing to spend in this "best store ever".  But, I digress.

I found the book and purchased it, along with a couple of ACT prep books for my teenager.  He has yet to take a practice test while I am almost finished with my purchased treasure.

To summarize, the author (also a Jen like me) is tired of all the stuff taking over her family and disrupting her relationship building with God.  I like this.  I've been thinking this too.  So she came up with 7 areas of excess and spent 30 days on each area.  Some of her areas were food, clothing, media, possessions, and spending.  I'm with ya!

So, I have been secretly planning my own mutiny, to begin shortly after I finish reading the book.  I still need a lot of prayer and motivation.  I will brainstorm and identify our specific areas of excess and how I want to tackle them.  I'm not sure if I can do it exactly the way she did but I'm not sure I want to.  This is personal and I need to make it work for me so that I can grow from it.

These past few snow days has made me focus more on this than I probably would have if I had been casually reading a little at night after a long day of work and running kids to practices.  But I think God wanted it that way.  He has been speaking to me more lately and I've been listening more.  Or maybe He's always been speaking to me this much, I just didn't listen.  Either way, I'm listening now and I'm inspired.  Inspired to be a better daughter of my King, a better wife, a better mother, and a better teacher.  But that's all to come when I figure out the details of this little mutiny.

Until then, stay positive and count your blessings!
Jen