I'm changing my life with God's help

"I don't wanna live like I don't care.  I don't wanna say another empty prayer. Oh I refuse to sit around and wait for someone else to do what God has called me to do myself.  Oh I could choose not to move, but I refuse."  The chorus to one of my absolute favorite songs.  It is by Josh Wilson.  It is amazing.

I am changing my life today.  God's gonna help me.  I am not surrendering to the depression, the jealousy, the poor-pitiful-me feeling anymore.  I am taking control of those things that I can control and I'm not waiting for those things to just clear up on their own.  I am going after the things I want and praying for guidance to help me instead of being filled with jealousy toward those that have what I want.  I'm not going to sit around and feel sorry for myself because I made mistakes in the past and I'm paying for them now.  No.  I'm going for it.

I honestly feel like God is telling me to write.  I've said this before, long ago, but also as recently as a few months ago.  And no one may ever read what I write but I feel like they will, eventually.  God has spoken to me more often lately and I think that is part of my struggle.  I have this overwhelming urge to sit at home and write all day instead of being in my classroom teaching.  But I can't do that.  So that causes depression, jealous feelings, and overall self pity because others are able to stay home and write, or do whatever it is they do.  But I have to work.

I just don't feel like my heart is in my classroom anymore and that causes another surge of emotions because I do like teaching and I love my subject area, Spanish.  So what do I do?  I change.

I made the first move tonight when I emailed the publishing company that offered me a contract a couple of years ago to publish one of my children's stories.  I signed the contract and sent a down payment but could not finish paying my author investment.  Life happened.  Family members who said they would help out with the cost failed to follow through.  But I made a move.  I am going to find out the status of that contract.  If the contract is void and I cannot continue to pay for the investment, I will take my manuscript elsewhere and enter every writing contest I can find.

I may have many sleepless nights ahead in my quest to live out my dreams but... "I refuse to sit around and wait for someone else..."

"I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength."  Phillipians 4:13

Be blessed!