Let it go

As I was talking to a friend this morning about an amazing opportunity that was presented to her son, I found myself feeling hot and jealous inside.  It is one of those once-in-a-lifetime things that I would love to have happen to one of my children.

I'll be honest - It is so hard to let go of it and just be happy for them.  I find myself sulking and feeling sorry for myself, or my kids, that something like that doesn't happen to me or them.  I often get depressed or throw myself a pity-party when I see other moms living a life I would like to live - being able to stay home with their children, go on Disney vacations twice a year, or have beautiful golf course homes.  Then I remember that it is God who has a plan for me and I can usually get out of my mini-depression and move on with the day.

But it is much harder when it comes to my kids.  Why?  I know that the same God who has a plan for me also has a plan for them.  But, as a mom, I want to control everything I can for them.  I mean, I am the one who is here with them on Earth to teach them His word, help them do their best in school and sports, and learn to help others and spread love and peace.  So why can't I let this go and let them live out God's plan for them, not mine?  Sure, I want what's best for them but at what cost?  I cannot go through the day envious that this didn't happen to my child.  It will make me physically sick.  All I can do is teach them to be better and never stop believing in themselves.

After writing these words, I do have a peacefulness in my heart and I'm truly happy for my friend's son.  I am not jealous that this didn't happen to one of my kids.  I know that God has a plan for my children and it is my job to raise them in His word and He will direct their paths.

Proverbs 3:5-6

Count your blessings!

Why do I need all this junk?

I was giving a graduation exam today and started thinking.  I know, dangerous.  But what else am I going to do since I can't write, draw or read anything while I administer that exam?  So, I was thinking about all the stuff we accumulate over time and I began to question why we do that.  Looking at those high school seniors take that exam and thinking about their futures, I began to reflect on my past.  In college, we lived in a dorm.  Dorms are tiny.  We didn't take every last thing from home and stuff it in that little dorm room.  We had clothes, shoes, maybe a computer, books, school supplies, Ramen noodles, and a microfridge.  And that was enough.  I didn't long for the stuff I had left back home, not that it was much. 

Then, I got married.  We moved into a small apartment because that's all we could afford at the time, since we were both still in college.  I think that's when the accumulation of junk began.  I was given bridal showers where I collected dishes, pots and pans, home decor, etc.  Then, the family started and we added children, which added more stuff!

I've been fortunate to travel to a few other countries - Mexico, Costa Rica, Spain and France.  One thing I've noticed in all of them is that the people are not as attached to things as we are in the U.S.  The houses are smaller, if they are lucky enough to have a house.  Most live in small apartments or shacks made of any material they can find to provide shelter from the elements.  They don't fill their walls with decorator items or even hundreds of family photos.  One reason is they simply can't afford it.  Their money must be used for food and necessities.  Does that mean family isn't important because they don't have dozens of scrapbooks filled with cropped photos and hundreds of dollars of specialty papers and stickers?  No.  I have witnessed more families sitting outside together, playing together, eating together, working together.  I believe their idea of family is much stronger than ours because they don't have all the stuff.  No televisions, or maybe just one in the house instead of every room.  No gaming systems.  No chest full of toys.  Bare minimum.

I started in January to "clear the clutter" in my house and in my life but quickly dropped off the bandwagon because life activities got in the way.  I long to live simply, without so many physical possessions.  After my thinking episode today, I think I'm ready to jump back on.  I've got too much stuff and someone else might just need the junk I don't have time for.   It's time to clear it out and focus more on people than the things.  Plus, it should make my house easier to clean!

Be blessed!

Rejuvenated

In my Senior year memory book, under "What I want to be 10 years from now", I have "author".  Well, I achieved that in 2007 when I self published a children's book I had written and illustrated.  Recently, I have been rejuvenated and re-energized.  It seems a lot of things lately are pointing to my dream of writing - little tidbits of advice or inspiration, writing contests randomly showing up in my inbox, favors being asked of me at church, and constant prayer.  I am more excited now about writing than I think I ever have been. 

God has a way of showing us things in mysterious ways.  But sometimes, I think it's not really that mysterious; we just aren't in the right mindset to see it.  I'm seeing it now!  And I'm excited about what He is going to put in my path to realize my dream.

God is good!

Be blessed!

I've missed this.

Well, it has definitely been a while since I last blogged and lots of things have changed.  God is still working on His plan for me - some things moving quickly, some taking a bit longer.  I have really been thinking about my writing a lot more often and it wasn't until a conversation with a neighbor yesterday that I realized this is really what I want to do.  God has given me so many talents - writing, communicating, knowledge of another language, drawing, painting, sewing, creating, teaching - and the best way to utilize all those at once is by writing books/stories/blogs.  I am going to deep clean today and look for my notebooks that contain all my sketches, short stories, essays, poems, and start putting it all together.  I think by Christmas I can have a good, solid collection.  Until my job gets in the way.

I just can't help but believe that it is God's will for me to be a writer.  I've wanted to be one since high school.  But, it is going to take lots of prayer, lots of willpower (to write instead of goof off on computer games or Facebook), lots of help from my children, and lots of support from my friends and family. 

So, having caught you up on where God is leading me, I hope you find where He is leading you.  I'll leave you with my favorite Bible verse today, and I may have used it before to close a post, but it's my favorite!

"For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and future."  Jeremiah 29:11

Be blessed!

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God is doing his work

I've been praying a lot lately about some different things going on in my life right now.  And guess what?  God is listening and revealing answers.  Or, more like little hints.

I have always believed in the power of prayer.  When Archer was extremely sick in ICU at the age of 3, I prayed that the Lord would bring me home safely from Mexico (I was there doing graduate work) so I could see him and that He would keep him alive until I arrived.  Not only did I make it home, but Archer is now a strong, healthy 12 year old.

For years, Jamison and I would get into discussions about faith vs. science or proof.  I would pray that he would accept Jesus so we could walk in faith together.  It happened and it has made a tremendous difference in our relationship and family.

I could go on and on about the things I've prayed about that God answered positively.  But he also answers negatively sometimes or answers in His time, not ours.  I was explaining to the children the other day about the opportunities that God gives us sometimes are because it is His plan, not ours.  They were upset because we drove by our old house that we were forced to move from because of some financial issues and mortgage company garbage that could never get resolved.  So we left after being threatened with foreclosure.  We miss it.  But I had to explain to them that God has another plan that we don't yet understand and he will reveal to us when He is ready.

God is working on some other things with me right now.  They will be revealed when the time is right - when it is His time.  For now, I will continue to pray and He will continue to give me hints until all is ready.

Proverbs 3:5-6  Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him and he will direct your path.

Be blessed!

I've been so busy

Well, the title says it all.  I've been so busy.  I thought things would ease up since basketball season ended and only one child has started baseball but it seems I have so many activities to fill my time.  I haven't clipped coupons in almost a month, haven't really gone grocery shopping either (but I'm still saving money), and my house is (always) a mess.  But I keep pushing on.

Little one has a pageant she wants to be in that is out of my budget so I'll be making lots of art to hopefully sell to fund that adventure.  The big one and I will be going to Costa Rica in less than 90 days and I've got to raise some money for that too.  The middle one wants to go back to football camp this summer, which is not cheap, nor is it in my debt-snowball budget.  But we'll make it work.  I'm going to put my Pinterest pins to work by re-creating some crafts for the little one to make herself and "earn" her beauty pageant trip.  The big one is going to help me at a craft show I do locally every year to "earn" his trip.  I just need to find something for that middle child to do to earn his football camp trip.  I would like to find time to save money for a family trip this summer, too.  Even if it's just a weekend getaway, just the 5 of us - three boys and two girls.

I must say, I have had an overwhelming feeling that I am being urged to write and illustrate.  I can't explain it and don't really want to try to explain it.  I take these things as God trying to speak to me.  It is just sometimes hard to focus on what he is trying to say because we are so...busy.  I have to slow down and take the time to talk to him more and find out if what I feel is his way of telling me I should pursue that or if it is just a hobby that I currently miss because I don't have the time to indulge it.  Either way, I enjoy writing and illustrating and think, maybe, if I could find all my little stories and poems, I could put together some type of book that I could sell at my craft show and online to fund these little adventures this summer.  That would be nice.

Be blessed!

Strong enough

Phillipians 4:13

I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.

I love the song “Strong enough” by Matthew West and basically this song is based on Phil. 4:13.  The first verse says, “You must think I’m strong to give me what I’m going through.  Forgive me, forgive me if I’m wrong, but this looks like more than I can do on my own.”  Then, the chorus says “I know I’m not strong enough to be everything that I’m supposed to be.  I give up. I’m not strong enough. Hands of Mercy won’t you cover me.  Lord right now I’m asking you to be strong enough, for both of us.”  Towards the end of the song, he repeats the scripture and sings “I don’t have to be strong enough.”

This gives me hope because on so many days, all of them, actually, I am not strong enough.  I struggle daily with balancing work and motherhood, homemaker and wife.  I pray daily for the strength to get through the day, especially on school days, because I get so busy.  Now, I do put a lot of pressure on myself and I am currently working on that and praying about that.  But for now, I am praying to be strong enough, day by day.   And sometimes it feels like the Lord is giving me too much.  And maybe He is.  Maybe He keeps giving me certain struggles or busy-ness so that I will continue to lean on Him and ask for His help.

None of us are strong enough on our own.  We have to have His help.  He wants to help us; otherwise He would not have given us these words of encouragement.  He builds us up and tells us that we can do whatever we put our mind to because the strength comes from him.  But I think sometimes, He is strong enough for both of us, and He carries us, just like in the Footprints in the Sand poem.  That comfort is there during those times that we can’t do it alone, even if it’s just daily living.  He will be strong enough if we just ask Him.  And that’s OK.  

Be Blessed!