Can I just restart or reboot?

So, as a family, we are a little frustrated with some things going on and we are thinking about changing things and starting over somewhere else.  I'm a little stressed about this, to say the least. Part of me is a bit excited about starting over, living simply, and trying something new.  But part of me likes consistency, dependability, and stability that I have worked so hard over the years to achieve.  To leave that behind scares me.

If we decide to make this change, I am excited about the chance to get out of education.  But I'm scared because that is our main source of income, insurance, and retirement.  I am excited about the possibility of having a massive yard sale and getting rid of most of our possessions so we don't have to "take them with us" when we move to this new location.  I'm excited about living a more simplified lifestyle, mainly because I want to be a starving artist and try to promote my art and books.  Given this opportunity, I really want to promote myself full-time.  Obviously part-time promotion over the years has not worked as well as I have wanted it to.  But that scares me because I don't want us to, well, starve.

So my thoughts are, we can do this if we really buckle down now and save every penny we can - in the midst of baseball season, end of school expenses, final payments for my trip to Spain, and regular bills.  I have been praying about this since last week, when we first began the discussions.  The kids are on board and pretty excited, which eases my mind a little.

It's hard.  Life is hard.  I'm going to continue to pray for guidance and clarity.  The good Lord has guided me this far and I know he will keep whispering to me and showing me what his plan is for us.

Frustrated, aggravated, and disappointed

Not a fun title is it?  But that's how I feel right now.  I should be feeling happy and joyful since I've got my Daylight Saving Time back and I can now frolic in some sunshine after school and actually stay warm at a baseball game for a little while longer.  Maybe my body is still just a little upset over losing an hour of much needed sleep.  At any rate, I am just feeling....blah.

Ever have those days?  I feel I could burst into tears at any moment.  I'm just overwhelmed with things, my mind is racing with projects and ideas that I don't have time to produce, and I'm stressed out.  I tend to sit and think too much and that leads to trouble.  Actually, it's not good for my health.  I have so much to be thankful for, and I am thankful, but it's just been one of those days where it's hard to get out of the funk, even when you count all your blessings.

I desperately want to write and be a writer.  I feel it deep in my soul and in my bones.  I want to illustrate and create cute note cards and inspirational art that will lift people's spirits when they feel down (like the way I feel right now).  Earlier tonight, as I sat at my daughter's acting class, I doodled and created some note cards for a friend, and I realize now that I was not as "blah" feeling as I am at the moment. 

So, I'm disappointed because I don't have time (or I say I don't) to focus on my mutiny project.  I'm frustrated with the educational system right now and the fact that I am not getting a raise plus I get to lose $81 a month because my insurance is going up.  I'm aggravated that some people in authoritative/educational positions don't seem to communicate to others what they want or expect from children and parents.

But, it's almost bedtime and I have to find something positive so that maybe I can turn off the wheels that keep rotating in my brain, churning out one idea after another.  I wake up exhausted because I lie in bed for hours thinking, praying, creating in my mind.  I do feel a little better having typed this little blog.  Even if no one reads it.  I feel better for myself.  My mind is a little less cluttered, my chest a little lighter, my shoulders less knotted.   I have had this one setback but tomorrow I'm going to rock!  I've got lots of positive things going on and God has a way of making things happen in His time.  I know there are brighter days ahead.   Game on!