Do what you love

Do what you love,
Be who you are,
Sing what you like,
Shine like a star.

I painted this original poem on a canvas years ago for my daughter.  I wanted it to hang in her room as a daily reminder that she can follow her dreams and still be successful and happy.  She doesn't really need this reminder as much as I do.

I am just in a dark place right now.  I'm stressed about finances, already worried about the future, and not really living for today.  The sermon at church this morning was good for me.  It was from the book of Habakkuk and how God asks us to write down our vision and then wait.  I thought about that.  As a teacher, I am constantly telling my students to write down their goals and dreams and do something every day that helps them get one step closer.  God tells us to do that, too, but he also tells us to wait...that He will choose the time to fulfill the vision.  That's the hard part.

I'm trying.  I really am.  But it's hard when I don't know how I am going to pay all my bills this month, and on top of that it's the holiday season and I don't know how I'm going to get gifts for my kids.  I'm so embarrassed at my situation that I just sink into a hole within myself and it's very hard to climb out and move on.  I dwell on the past instead of living in the present.  But when my present reality is so dim, it's hard.  I know things could be worse, and for that I am grateful, but I am just not where I thought I would be at this point in my life.  I am way off course.

I am aware that my children know that I'm not myself.  I've been praying for weeks, months, really, that God will put the right people in my path that can help me with my struggles.  I will continue that prayer for as long as it takes.  I am also trying to focus on what I love - family, writing, painting, creating.  I can escape temporarily when I am in my art, doing what I love.  I have my goals and visions on the dream board and now I just have to wait patiently for God's timing.

Until then,  I will do what I love, be who I am, sing what I like, and SHINE!

Inspiration

My students have really surprised me.  They seem genuinely interested in the fact that I write blogs!  It's amusing to me.  But I don't know why.  I would have been inspired or interested if I had known my high school teacher was a writer. 

It's neat, I guess.  I enjoy my job, but more and more each day I am wanting to write.  All. Day. Long.  It consumes my thoughts.  Sometimes I don't want to do anything else.  It's hard.  So I keep working my blog and writing my daily stories in the hopes that the right person will read it and like it and maybe want to publish one of the stories.  Or all of them, as a collection.  I don't know.  I just write because I feel it's what I have to do.  It would be nice to get paid for it but that's not why I do it.

I am looking forward to fall break from school so that maybe with the extra time to focus on the words, I can write some better literature, perhaps finish a few more chapters of my novel, complete more of the children's books I've written, and work on my devotional book that I began several years ago.  Lots of unfinished projects but there's hope. 

It's funny how I'm supposed to be the one inspiring the students and motivating them to reach their dreams but they are doing that for me.  I find so much inspiration in seeing the seniors working hard to complete scholarship applications and apply for college.  Just seeing them go after their goals makes me want to keep working on mine. 

I'm not ready to put my life on cruise control until retirement.  I can't.  I'm nowhere near prepared for that and I don't want to be.  I'm determined to be a semi-famous author, at least to the point of replacing my teaching salary one day when retirement is near.  Until then, I will keep teaching all day and writing late at night.  I will continue to motivate students to reach their goals and I hope they will continue to inspire me to reach mine.

This post dedicated to my 2014-2015 1st and 6th period Spanish 2 classes.  Muchisimas gracias!

I love writing!

I am loving this challenge I gave myself!  It's funny that I have dreaded it only a couple of times because I was so tired when I finally had time to write, but then ended up with something creatively cute.  I want to do this all the time.  I feel like I could do this all the time.  But it doesn't pay the bills...yet.

I still feel deep down in my heart that this is what I am supposed to do.  Why would God be giving me all this creativity and storytelling ability if there wasn't a purpose behind it?  That's why I am going to keep writing.  I know that eventually whatever I am supposed to write will be written.  He will give me the words, the inspiration, the time.  Until then, I just have to keep doing what I'm doing.  I trust His timing and His plan.

I finished tonight's story and just wanted to jot down my feelings, my hopes, my dreams, and goals about this little blog project of mine.  I also still want to find a way to obtain the old post office building downtown and turn it into an interactive, recycled art/craft/recreation/music/language museum.  I have a folder of ideas and room plans and exhibit areas - just need the funding!  I'll be working on that soon.

Thanks for reading these little blogs of mine. 

Jen

New idea coming soon

I've been absent from my blog lately so here's a little update:

Things are back up and running at the hacienda - cable, internet, phones are all on.
Bills are caught up - at the moment.
6 year old bill collector decides to get a lawyer to garnish my paycheck.  Without proper warning.
Busy being a full-time football mom/agent/fan/newspaper collector/photographer.
Busy being a full-time college scholarship hunter/essay proofreader/resume builder.
Busy being a full-time fundraiser/talent agent for a busy little 10 year old actress.

All that to say this:  I plan on doing something amazing!  Soon.  Very soon.  Like, hopefully, tomorrow.  Maybe even tonight.

First things first, my 2nd children's book is out of production and heading to marketing.  I hope to know publication date and have some book signings lined up before the holidays.  Super excited about this.

Secondly,  I plan to organize all my stories and sketches to get prepared for what has been on my mind and heart lately.  I'm really quite excited about it and can hardly contain myself...but I must.  At least for now.

Finally, I have been praying a lot more lately and know that the good Lord has a plan for me and for my family and I am trusting His timing in all things.   I believe that I will achieve all my dreams and that it is coming soon.  I believe I have something amazing to offer the world.  I believe in myself.  I am crazy enough to make this happen!

Why be average when you can be amazing?

All signs point to writing

I've been reading a lot lately.  It's summer and that's what I like to do during my break from school.  Plus, if you read my last post, you know that we don't have cable anymore.  So that gives me more free time to...read.

Most of the books I read this summer have been making me think, more than I usually do, about really pursuing my dream of being an author.  Not only that, but the speakers I've heard at our traditional back-to-school workshops have also had a profound impact on me and the way I'm thinking.  I've been praying for God to put the right people in my path and He's done it.

So, after I get my bills paid (again, see last post), I plan to fully pursue finishing up my payment to the publisher who currently has my second children's book ready to go.  My goal is to have this one out by November so I can publish my next book, a devotional type book, by December 2015. 

See, I have a plan.  And, although things are hard for my family right now, I can see that all signs are pointing to writing.  I've been wanting to blog more lately.  I've started writing a fiction novel!  I still have a plastic bin full of stories and illustrations.  It's in my blood.  It's in my heart.  And I am finally being still long enough to listen to God.  He's answering my prayers, slowly and steadily. 

Be blessed!

What I think my family has learned by NOT having cable or internet

Hello there!  It's been a while.  The truth is, I just haven't felt like blogging lately.  It's summer and I'm on a break from teaching.  And, we've been spiraling downward.  Our finances are out of control due to several circumstances, one being that the man of the house wasn't getting a regular paycheck although he was working regular hours (plus some).  So, we fell behind on some bills.  Several, actually.  A few weeks ago, our internet and cable services (along with our home phone but who uses that anymore?) were disconnected.  That's right.  Cut off because we haven't paid the bill.  It's embarrassing but the truth can set you free.

Unless you have teenagers.

Then it's a catastrophe.

Or not.

The first few days were horrible.  Two teenage boys in the house - one apparently needs his internet, the other needs his sports channels.  One 9 year old girl needs her Disney and OnDemand movies.  One Etsy and Pinterest-addicted mom needs her internet.  The man of the house needs his movie channels and internet.  Or so we thought.

Before our cable and internet was disconnected, I had actually read 2 books in 4 days.  I love being able to read in the summertime.  After we mourned the loss of our beloved internet and cable, the girl and I went back to the public library to return those books for some replacements and we checked out some DVDs.  For free.

Yes, I've done this before but, in the busyness of life, I forget that there are hundreds of free movies and books at that wonderful place called the library.  And my daughter loves it too.  So we were able to reconnect our common love of books and reading.

I was able to get some DVDs of movies that my children had never seen.  Classics.  Like Mary Poppins, Schindler's List, Schoolhouse Rock.  It's been great.  Teaching and sharing ideas with my own kids.

We've spent more time together.  On the front porch, in the yard, at the track across the street.  We've used this time of "unplugging" to plug back in to one another.  I feel I've connected with my older boy more these past couple of weeks than I have in a while.  My daughter and I have painted together, created things together, sang and danced together. 

And I've been daydreaming again, which is a good thing.  I've been reconnected with the writer inside me that longs to get out and put words on paper, or the internet!  (Oh, the irony.)  I've spent more time with extended family as I visit their restaurant to bum their internet and watch a little television in the dining area.  I've read more books which are inspiring me to continue writing and pursuing my dreams.

As of this post, we still don't have it turned on but, through prayer, the man of the house was able to find a job that actually pays him and we are working on our debt.  We are spending more time together as a family where we would normally be doing separate things in different rooms of the house.  We will need internet once school starts in a few weeks so the kids can do research and, of course, the cable so we can watch football on Saturdays.  But this has been a nice break.  A nice reality that these things aren't necessities, really, but wants that we have become used to in our lives.  Wants that are disguised as needs because of the importance society places on these things.

Do we really need it when school starts?  Probably not.  But the harsh reality is that my children will be at a disadvantage if they don't have it.  So, I will do what I can to get my services turned back on by then so my family can reconnect with the outside world.

I just pray it doesn't disconnect us from each other again.

Can I just restart or reboot?

So, as a family, we are a little frustrated with some things going on and we are thinking about changing things and starting over somewhere else.  I'm a little stressed about this, to say the least. Part of me is a bit excited about starting over, living simply, and trying something new.  But part of me likes consistency, dependability, and stability that I have worked so hard over the years to achieve.  To leave that behind scares me.

If we decide to make this change, I am excited about the chance to get out of education.  But I'm scared because that is our main source of income, insurance, and retirement.  I am excited about the possibility of having a massive yard sale and getting rid of most of our possessions so we don't have to "take them with us" when we move to this new location.  I'm excited about living a more simplified lifestyle, mainly because I want to be a starving artist and try to promote my art and books.  Given this opportunity, I really want to promote myself full-time.  Obviously part-time promotion over the years has not worked as well as I have wanted it to.  But that scares me because I don't want us to, well, starve.

So my thoughts are, we can do this if we really buckle down now and save every penny we can - in the midst of baseball season, end of school expenses, final payments for my trip to Spain, and regular bills.  I have been praying about this since last week, when we first began the discussions.  The kids are on board and pretty excited, which eases my mind a little.

It's hard.  Life is hard.  I'm going to continue to pray for guidance and clarity.  The good Lord has guided me this far and I know he will keep whispering to me and showing me what his plan is for us.

Frustrated, aggravated, and disappointed

Not a fun title is it?  But that's how I feel right now.  I should be feeling happy and joyful since I've got my Daylight Saving Time back and I can now frolic in some sunshine after school and actually stay warm at a baseball game for a little while longer.  Maybe my body is still just a little upset over losing an hour of much needed sleep.  At any rate, I am just feeling....blah.

Ever have those days?  I feel I could burst into tears at any moment.  I'm just overwhelmed with things, my mind is racing with projects and ideas that I don't have time to produce, and I'm stressed out.  I tend to sit and think too much and that leads to trouble.  Actually, it's not good for my health.  I have so much to be thankful for, and I am thankful, but it's just been one of those days where it's hard to get out of the funk, even when you count all your blessings.

I desperately want to write and be a writer.  I feel it deep in my soul and in my bones.  I want to illustrate and create cute note cards and inspirational art that will lift people's spirits when they feel down (like the way I feel right now).  Earlier tonight, as I sat at my daughter's acting class, I doodled and created some note cards for a friend, and I realize now that I was not as "blah" feeling as I am at the moment. 

So, I'm disappointed because I don't have time (or I say I don't) to focus on my mutiny project.  I'm frustrated with the educational system right now and the fact that I am not getting a raise plus I get to lose $81 a month because my insurance is going up.  I'm aggravated that some people in authoritative/educational positions don't seem to communicate to others what they want or expect from children and parents.

But, it's almost bedtime and I have to find something positive so that maybe I can turn off the wheels that keep rotating in my brain, churning out one idea after another.  I wake up exhausted because I lie in bed for hours thinking, praying, creating in my mind.  I do feel a little better having typed this little blog.  Even if no one reads it.  I feel better for myself.  My mind is a little less cluttered, my chest a little lighter, my shoulders less knotted.   I have had this one setback but tomorrow I'm going to rock!  I've got lots of positive things going on and God has a way of making things happen in His time.  I know there are brighter days ahead.   Game on!

Getting started

Well, I did get started on staging my mutiny against all our stuff.  Sort of.  I typed up my initial plans and what exactly we have too much of.  Everything, really...except money.  But we have enough and that's okay.

So, I have decided to start with possessions in the month of March.  I hope to find some time in between school and baseball games to get in my creepy, cold basement and start purging things in my collection of fabric, art supplies, and everyday items that I tend to hoard because I think they will make a cool art project.  (I've got to stop that!)

Now, I'm not gonna lie.  I have a motive for purging all of our stuff that has nothing to do with the fact we are overrun by it.  I am taking a group of 4 students to Spain in June and I don't want to put unnecessary financial strain on my family so I need to make a few extra bucks (well, a few hundred bucks) so that my family doesn't suffer financially while I'm gone for 11 days.  The emotional stress will have them suffering enough, along with the fact that they will actually have to do things for themselves.  Hey, I only take these trips every 2-3 years so I'm going to enjoy every second of it and have my kids learn some good life lessons about how to survive without mom!

I also want to have a swap party where you invite your friends/family to bring a few items they don't want and you get together and swap it.  I've actually tried to plan one of these things before (I even found my notes in a folder I was cleaning out) but I never followed through with it.  I think I will plan that during Spring Break since the kids will be out of school, I'll be out of school, and we could stay up all night without having any major responsibilities, like work, the next day!

I hope that by ridding ourselves of all these useless things, that we can spend more time as a family, purchase what we really need instead of what we want, and bless others in the process.  I do plan to just give some of our things away to those who need it more than we do.  And, of course, if it comes down to make a buck or bless someone who can't pay, the latter will happen every time.  We have been blessed when we were at our lowest and I truly believe in spreading the love and blessings to everyone.

Month One - Possessions will begin on March 1st and will last the entire month.  I hope to get my children involved and explain to them why we need to do this.  I'm not sure what the second month will be but I will plan that as month one progresses.  I'm excited about this adventure.

Stay Positive!
Jen

Planning my own mutiny

I've been reading a book the past week and a half.  What?  How have I had time to read?  Snow days.  We've had lots of snow days.  And I absolutely love this book.  I will probably read it again when I'm finished and highlight the really good stuff.

I had heard about this on the wonderful web and thought I'd give it a try.  I'm always thinking we have way too much stuff - physically, emotionally, etc.  I tried to find it for free at my local library but that was a fail.  Not really wanting to purchase the download from Amazon, I kept holding out thinking I could find someone who already had it and just borrow it or convince my library to purchase it.  Nope.  None of the above.  I took my daughter on a rare visit to the movies and we stopped at a major bookstore - just to browse.  Nope.  That didn't happen either.  Now, if you don't really know my daughter and me, we don't just browse through books.  We love them.  Cherish them.  Use them.  It was her first time in said bookstore and she was in heaven.  She had a hard time deciding how much of her saved Christmas money she was willing to spend in this "best store ever".  But, I digress.

I found the book and purchased it, along with a couple of ACT prep books for my teenager.  He has yet to take a practice test while I am almost finished with my purchased treasure.

To summarize, the author (also a Jen like me) is tired of all the stuff taking over her family and disrupting her relationship building with God.  I like this.  I've been thinking this too.  So she came up with 7 areas of excess and spent 30 days on each area.  Some of her areas were food, clothing, media, possessions, and spending.  I'm with ya!

So, I have been secretly planning my own mutiny, to begin shortly after I finish reading the book.  I still need a lot of prayer and motivation.  I will brainstorm and identify our specific areas of excess and how I want to tackle them.  I'm not sure if I can do it exactly the way she did but I'm not sure I want to.  This is personal and I need to make it work for me so that I can grow from it.

These past few snow days has made me focus more on this than I probably would have if I had been casually reading a little at night after a long day of work and running kids to practices.  But I think God wanted it that way.  He has been speaking to me more lately and I've been listening more.  Or maybe He's always been speaking to me this much, I just didn't listen.  Either way, I'm listening now and I'm inspired.  Inspired to be a better daughter of my King, a better wife, a better mother, and a better teacher.  But that's all to come when I figure out the details of this little mutiny.

Until then, stay positive and count your blessings!
Jen

Trying this freezer meal cooking plan

Happy New Year! On this first day of 2014, I am feeling so accomplished!  I tried the whole freezer meals thing.  And I did it all with food and stock from my pantry and fridge.  I didn't spend any money!  Warning:  if you want to keep reading, just know that this is kind of a long post.

So, here's the deal.  I get chicken from my dad.  Lots of it.  Anyway, I started with a bag of about 8 huge chicken breasts.  Not your typical ones from the grocery but actually turkey sized chicken breasts, probably about 12 pounds worth.  I put it all in a pot to boil.  While that was boiling, I was surfing the internet, playing Candy Crush saga, and just being lazy.  The kids had done the dishes so that was a big help before the big 5 hour mess got started!

I cooked and chopped and boiled and jarred so much food!  I actually can't believe what I accomplished.  Here's the only photo I took of my cooking adventure and I was about halfway into it.

Now, here's what I cooked or chopped:

About 12 lbs. of boneless chicken breasts
1 onion
1 lb. of carrots
4 boiled eggs
4 potatoes (I will be cutting and cooking the rest of the bag tomorrow.)

Here's what I used from my pantry/fridge:

2 soft tortilla shells
shredded cheddar cheese
1 can cream of chicken soup
1/2 container or sour cream
1 can corn
1 can green beans
1/2 packet club crackers
a few tablespoons of French's fried onions
salt and pepper and garlic salt
flour
baking powder
milk
butter
mayonaise
mustard

Now for the good part - Here's what I made from all of this:

1 chicken casserole
1 chicken pot pie
2 chicken burritos (yes, only 2.  I only had 2 tortilla shells! I wrapped them individually to grab for a quick school lunch.)
chicken salad
carrots, onion and potatoes already chopped to make deer meat stew (which is also already in the freezer)
2 quart sized bags of shredded chicken for tacos, nachos, soup, chicken chili, or whatever
3 jars of chicken broth
1 16 oz. container of cream of chicken soup
4 snack bags of carrots

Now, this also does not include the chicken broth or cream of chicken soup that I made to add to my casseroles since I only had one can in my cabinet.  Mine was so much better than the store bought canned stuff!

I froze most of it so that when baseball season starts in a month or so, I can just pop these things in the oven or crock pot and we have a good dinner in under half an hour.  I still have to cut and cook the potatoes tomorrow but that's okay.  I am so proud to have 8 complete meals ready to go.

Now to organize my freezer space a little better and I think I will do this every two weeks, maybe rotate chicken and beef.  I don't know if I can handle being in the kitchen to do all of it at once!

Jen